Diary #30- Empathising like a Hostage Negotiator

Yesterday I watched a video about negotiating skills from Chris Voss, former FBI lead hostage negotiator.

The most important thing, he says, is to show full empathy with the other’s story, to get them to say “That’s right,” i.e. “You understand where I’m coming from.”


Also yesterday, I had to fork out some 'consequences' to my son - the modern word for punishment- which unfortunately will make both our lives difficult the coming days.


This morning was very challenging and in the midst of it I remembered the above. For 10 minutes I was able to let go of my personal agenda, and really feel and communicate the world from his eyes – the unfairness of family teaming up against you, the resentment of having to do what you’re told.


We had a “That’s right” moment.  Then we made pancakes.

Very interesting stuff.



Author: JD

Write a comment

Comments: 1
  • #1

    Joerg (Sunday, 10 May 2020 15:30)

    Great read John!

    Very well done!